I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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