I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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