A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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