why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
