I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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