with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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