Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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