he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
