I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
