Please, let me fuck your mom
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
