omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
