my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
