I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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