you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
