listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
