im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
