why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
