I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
