naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
