dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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