You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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