dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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