i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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