I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
