Someone shit on the floor
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize