you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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