if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
