Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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