he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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