gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
