We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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