Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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