fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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