like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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