I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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