walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
