apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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