Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
