so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
