I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
