Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i think i just lost a toe
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
