i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
