I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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