Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
