Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
