I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
