ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
