I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
