he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
