Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
should my penis look like a turkey
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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