That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize