my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
