her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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