That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
