I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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