I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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