My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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