i was born a porn star she said
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
