i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
