I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
