I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
