what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
