My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
